Daddy and his greatest fear

"And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away." - Revelation 21:4

An SMS I received from my sister last night told me mother was rushed to the hospital. She complained of chest pain and intense abdominal ache. I worried and phoned her immediately. I had the chance to talk to mother then. I was relieved to hear her voice as if nothing happened. I asked if she’s ok. She told me she just needed to be in the hospital for a couple of days and she is alright. Mother has hypertension and some heart problems as well. This makes us, her children get used to her being brought to the hospital at least once every year. But I am still bothered. I need to visit her on weekend.

I went to work today checked my inbox only to be welcomed by an email about D-E-A-T-H.

I felt nervous. I got anxious.

The word "D" itself or the simple thought of funeral disturb me. I remember when my parents were convinced by their friend to purchase death insurance a couple of years back, mother jokingly told us,

“Ayan ha, wala na kayong poproblemahin pag namatay kami, may kasama ng pang kape at pang tinapay 'to!”¹

Without being serious I replied,

“Pwede bang cremation dyan?”²

I often think that if I have a choice, I wanted to die first before my loved ones. I know death is part of life’s cycle and God has promised an everlasting life after it but I still fear the sadness, the grief and the longing brought by one's passing away.

For now I just need to be positive, delete this f*ck*ng email and stop entertaining thoughts of it.

Update 11:06am

I called mother and learned that a gallstone, which might be causing her abdominal aches and triggering her hypertension and chest pain, is needed to be remove from her. But the operation should be done only when her BP is already regulated.

Please include her in your prayers.

By the way, her voice is as loud and as irritating as it used to be which made me think she is doing better. Get well soon mom, WE LOVE YOU!

¹ “Now you don’t have to worry about expenses when we die. The plan also includes money assistance for bread and coffee!”
² “Is cremation an option in your plan?"